Parenting, Technology...and Liquid Sanity

I don't know what you people (read: mothers from generations past) did before the proliferation of TVs and the internet. I mean, you guys must have been baby makin' and baby rearin' MACHINES to do this all by yourself! I can't tell you how many times, on a daily (YES, daily!) basis that I tap my resources conveniently saved in my 'bookmarks' online for parenting advice. I use this for fear that I'll ask that ridiculously embarassing question that would prompt any other mom/parent to look at me and laugh straight at my face. If you're going to be an ignorant parent, it's better to be an anonymous one, ain't it?

Then there's TV. DUDE, I used to have my typical 10-or-so channels that I'd flip between to find something to watch....until I discovered HGTV. It's like, I'm obsessed or something!? I've entered to win this year's Dream Home....probably 200 times. I've begun DVR'ing every episode of my favorite shows: House Hunters, Design to Sell, Curb Appeal, Spice Up My Kitchen, Sell This House, Deserving Design...OH and Divine Design! I have a crush on the guy that's on Color Sense: Dave Bromstad. Sure, I know he's gay...but he's so stankin' man-pretty, it makes me feel all giddy inside...like a post-menopausal woman at a Neil Diamond concert! I find myself sitting there in my doo-doo brown recliner with the baby throughout the day AND night....commenting at the TV whenever they do some of the reveals like, "EWW, NOO! That backsplash is HIDEOUS! Shoulda gone with the pink granite instead!!" or "SERIOUSLY!? You're going to re-do that kitchen floor using LINOLEUM!? That's SO 1981!!" And sometimes, I find myself thinking, "Hmmm, I could TOTALLY use that idea and do that with my bannisters" or "MY that's a good looking toilet!" Bottom line is: I'm obsessed with HGTV, and I've integrated my new TV and internet obsessions by entering my own friggin' home, and every room therein, in all of their TV shows for consideration for a makeover. I could be the next new HGTV posterchild. PSHA! And monkeys might fly outta my BUTT!

TV has also become a Godsend, in the fact that Ryder LU-LU-LUUUVVVS watching HBO Family in the early mornings! Not that I want to get my 10-week-old hooked on TV or anything, but hell -- it beats Real Sex or any of the other adult jive he COULD be watching on HBO, right? In the morning they have these wacky shows called "Crashbox" and "I Spy" that he seemingly loves to watch, because they're really colorful and there's lots of movement and sound. This will have to suffice until I can get him the purported "baby crack" that which is the Baby Einstein series. I watched one of these DVDs over the weekend at my sister-in-law's house, and it looks like something that would be brain candy for someone on acid! Is that what it's like to be a baby?? If so, let's put this life on REWIND!! ;) But really, it's only music and weird images like gear teeth in slow-mo and psychodelic laser images....yet I guess it's supposed to send some sort of subliminal message to babies to make them smarter? Who knows, but if it keeps the kid satisfied for an extra few minutes in the morning so I can rouse myself from my coma -- then so be it. The kid will have baby crack and there ain't a damn thing you can say to change my mind.

So to the grandmas who didn't have TV, our moms who didn't have internet -- or any parent who doesn't have cable...I commend you. You're one of the gifted folks who can find amusement in a much less expensive way than I. If it weren't for HGTV (and Dave Bromstad!), WebMD....and Yellow Tail Shiraz (i.e. "liquid sanity")....I might have lost my mind by now. OR HAVE I?? MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

Some recent pics of my little monkey: