Listen Here, Nintendo: Wii Parenting 101

So as D-Day is quickly descending upon the Hamden Family...Raymond and I have come to the conclusion that we have NO idea what we're getting ourselves into. Perhaps this is a realization we should have come to BEFORE 40 weeks...but what the hell...people have been raising children for centuries, so it can't be THAT hard, right? WRONG!

I had lunch yesterday with new mom, Shannon, and Baby Betsy and our moms...and got bitch-slapped by the reality that I'm completely clueless! I have NO idea how often to feed a baby, change his diaper...how long he should sleep....what NORMAL coloration looks like, etc. Thank GOD we have both Grandmas close...and that Shannon seems to know what she's doing...because otherwise, Ryder would be screwed!

Now, I know there are jillions of books and websites out there that have instructions on how to raise a child...but who wants to go by the book anyway? If the Hamden Family is going to learn how to do ANYTHING...it either has to be taught with liquid coercion (i.e. wine or bourbon) or it has to be taught via the Nintendo Wii (how ELSE do you think I learned how to box and drive a race car?). So folks, I introduce to you my idea for a new game that will make the Hamden Family its first $billion$: Wii Parenting 101. Expectant parents can learn anything from how to change a diaper, break down a stroller, install a latch-system car seat base, and burp the baby....to breastfeed. All for the convenient price of $32.98! That's cheaper than a Diaper Champ, kiddos, and will pay off BOO-KOOS in the long run! I'm working on this game in my head, and will pitch it to the developers at Nintendo in a few months....

I just have to learn how to do all that stuff, first.....CRAP! ~