You Can All Go To Hell...I'll Go To The Grocery Store!

It's amazing that I have had no inspiration to blog this whole week, then one trip to the grocery store just so HAPPENS to bring it out of me! Here's how it all went down...

We all know now that I hate, LOATHE going to the grocery store. Today is no different, however from the moment I stepped into the store, I had random experience after random experience that's worth sharing. I have to pee like mad upon parking, but I tell myself, "Just make it thru the fruits/vegetables, then you can make your pit stop before embarking upon the rest of your journey." I grab my cart, and make my way into the store, and the little greeter lady stops me, goes for my tummy and begins to whisper into my ear, "I don't know if anyone has told you yet..." ...and I'm thinking, "Oh, this is great, she's going to let me in on a little holiday grocery shopping secret! Perhaps there's a trap door somewhere leading to this secret grocery-world where everything is perfectly stocked, and I'm the only one who knows about it! That way I can get in and out in a flash, and I won't have to see anyone I know, and be troubled by any inherent grocery store frustrations!" BUT, flashback to reality: and she continues, "...but you're REALLY pregnant...." meanwhile, feeling me up! By this time there's a line of people behind me with empty carts trying to make their way into the store, and they care not that I'm REALLY pregnant. Matter of fact I care not that I'm REALLY pregnant to this lady -- and I REALLY want to tell her, "No shit Sherlock! And get your hand off my belly!" But instead I shot her a smart assed smile, said something pseudo-friendly, and made my way into the store. I'm REALLY getting tired of all this random pregnancy talk...REALLY. And seriously, what's with these random people always wanting to touch pregnant bellies? Little does she know, I haven't showered in the past 24 hours, I've worn this shirt 3 times now without washing it...and I'm pretty sure I didn't brush my teeth this morning yet....Sorry 'bout your grubby hands, lady!

So I make my way thru the store, pretty much without incident. Though I take notice that everyone looks like they're preparing for the ice age the way they're dressed. It MAY be 50 degrees outside, at the very coldest, and everyone's done drug out their feather down coats, snow boots, and drove their 4WDs into town...JUST IN CASE it decided to turn ugly and blizzard outside for the first time in the history of the world in Killeen, Texas. I couldn't help but laugh to myself, who's working up a sweat walking around in blue jeans, a sleeveless tunic and flip-flops. Maybe I was a little under-dressed for the occasion, but gimme a break, folks...winter hasn't even STARTED yet!?

Get to the checkout counter and manage to have three separate conversations about how far along I am, what sex of a baby I am having and whether or not I'm ready to have him yet. What the crap else is new?? This is with the mumbling girl behind the counter, the girl bagging my groceries (who's 6 months along)...and the guy with the box-top haircut that helped me scan the bottled water and firelogs. Lemme tell you about THIS guy! Remember the House Party movies, and the main character in them? Remember HIS 1991 box-top haircut? THAT's precisely the haircut I saw today as I was checking out! I've included a picture for those of you that may have forgotten. It HAS to have been at least 18 years since I last saw that 'do...but he's brought it back, my friends, and with a vengeance!

The smallest conceivable little girl helps me out to the car with my groceries [ed. note: I don't normally ask for help out, but the firelogs and bottled water are heavy...and I'm saving any remnance of back strength I have left these days....]. I feel bad enough that they sent her to help me with the heavy lifting, that I end up doing all the work anyway...I thank her...and I get in the car to go. I have to pee like a mad 9-month pregnant woman at this point, so I start the car, throw it into reverse, and out of the corner of my eye, notice a lady getting out of her car. This isn't just any lady -- it's the lady from my childbirthing classes that I described to you in an earlier post that was the ONLY lady due earlier than me that was taking the class. She's still pregnant, VERY pregnant, and presumably due ANY minute. She takes one last hit of her cigarette, throws it down and steps on it as she's getting out of her car. "HEY, BITCH! I SEE YOU! I KNOW YOU'RE PREGNANT AND SMOKING!" [I wanted to say...but of course didn't] I'm thinking as I nearly back my bus over this nice couple that's walking behind me as I'm pulling out. I look out the window, notice them, and make a pathetic apology-thru-the-window as they shake their heads and walk on by. I wanted to roll my window down and say, "Hey, don't shake your heads at me, asses, SHE'S THE ONE 9 MONTHS PREGNANT AND SMOKING!" But I didn't, so I digress.

Nothing like a good ol' trip to the grocery store in Killeen, Texas, eh? Not sure if it was as entertaining to you as it was to me, but I simply thought the experience was worth sharing. Raymond should be home from hunting class any minute now, and we're going to put up the Christmas tree this evening. I shall post pictures upon completion!

Bundle up, folks! It's a tee bit nipply out there!