Hospital Bag Packing: A Tribute to Granny Panties

Yesterday, I began packing the ever-so-important, very necessary.....hospital bag! I've been hotly anticipating this occasion since, OH, about April...but of course found it neither reasonable, nor prudent to do so until about a month before our due date. OK so we still have a little more than a month, but quit judging me. I'm excited, OK!?

So staying true-to-self, I consulted every conceivable website, checked all of my pregnancy organizers, consulted some friends and made a list of all of the necessary items needed for said bag, checked it twice and got down to biznass. A few notable discoveries were made along the way that are worth sharing:

1. When you pack this early in the game, you really don't have much to put in the suitcase, other than some miscellaneous toiletry items that you won't use between now and then (i.e. a small pack of Q-tips, MAXI PADS...see section 2, et al.), perhaps a few snacks that you can forfeit for the time being...and....well...that's....about....IT. I want to wear that particular black sweatsuit home from the hospital, and it just so happens that is the ONE outfit I opt to wear on a daily basis...so unless I full-on invest in a new one, or expel it from my reportoire, I'm just going to have to add that one to the suitcase as we're running out the door to the hospital....same goes for the toothbrush and OTHER toiletry items one should use on a normal basis.


2. Upon consulting the sources listed above, I find there are some interesting, yet very-necessary items that need to make it in the bag that I would have never considered. (Warning: if you have a weak stomach, or are under the age of 13, please refrain from reading this section, and skip to whatever's next. This section is only for those who can handle the details, and is therefore rated PG-13.) Most notable would be the granny panties, maxi-pads and throat lozenges. Granny Panties are suggested to be bought in bulk, and are meant to be fully-disposable. Apparently one can expect to mangle a pair in a matter of minutes post-delivery, so one is not encouraged to develop any lasting relationships with said panties. They're supposed to fit loosely, largely, and provide full-coverage. Crotch needs to accommodate maxi-pad(s). Something to do with the body's expulsion of a lot of weird fluids that have a lot of weird names, come in a wide variety of colors, odors and consistencies and leave an even WIDER assortment of stains. Now I don't know about any of you ladies, but I can't even find calendars old enough to reflect the last date(s) when I would have purchased either of these items...(??) I think my old bathroom cabinets at my parents' house may have a fossilized bag of them, perhaps, but I shall reiterate that the bag is fossilized, and therefore the use of its contents could be quite painful. Lastly, throat lozenges are suggested to keep the palate appropriately moisturized, so that one doesn't lose her voice in the throes of labor. I stuffed these deep in the bottom of the bag and won't explain this to Raymond until I ask him (nicely?) to pull them out on D-Day. Otherwise, I'm sure he'll stuff them deep into the trash can in hopes that I'll lose my voice and he won't have to listen to me on the day in question. Thank God he doesn't read this blog! :)


3. And finally, I hope they have a WHOLE 'NOTHER room available on the day of our arrival to accommodate the amount of luggage the Hamden family will be bringing. With all of the crap we're expected to bring: 3 suitcases (one for me, a tiny one for Raymond, and a baby bag for the kid), 2 pillows, 2 blankets, nursing pillows, yoga balls, the partridge AND the pear tree...one simply cannot assume there's going to be enough room for ALL of that, plus the two of us, and perhaps a nurse and a doctor. Not only will we be the laughing stock of the hospital upon arrival, but I'm certain with Raymond's antics paired with the likeness of my, well, let's just say HORRID and colorful muu-muus, we will most definitely make our (skid)mark upon the nurses and staff of Scott & White hospital labor & delivery ward before departure.

WELL, I'm off, once again...to continue my non-packing of the hospital bag. Everything I pack seems to get removed upon the realization that, "Hey, I might need that in the next month..." but at least I'm getting practice, right? I also plan to figure out how to install the car seat base today, so that it will only be second-nature to me once the due date nears a little more! Whatever I do, I'd better do it quick, because it appears I'm boring the cat....