The Top 5 Things They Don't Prepare You For in Parenting Class

I've been working up this post for a good while now, just haven't had the time to myself to actually sit and post it. So here I sit, glass of Cab nestled between my boobs [you think I'm joking?? HA!], at midnight+ taking advantage of these last few minutes of nocturnal sanity by blogging. Here, my friends, I share with you the top 5 things that they don't tell you in parenting classes, and that everyone should know:

1) If you're a champion booger-picker, parenting is for you! If you're one of those who digs, unabashedly, in your nostrils CONSTANTLY throughout the days -- you'll be happy to know that once you're graced with a newborn, you'll have a new tool OTHER THAN your jeans to wipe your gold on: spit up cloths. You'll have them dangling from every piece of furniture -- every available nook and cranny -- so as to be readily available in the event the one you're holding becomes soiled unexpectedly. You'll also spend half of your monthly water bill washing such items, so don't despair -- they won't stay soiled long.

2) You'd better take a picture of your spouse, because that person will soon become a stranger to you. Unless you're both graciously taking on night duty like siamese twins, you'll be smart and alternate day and night duty -- and for this -- your time spent together will surely be compromised.

3) You'll go insane. In no other place and time in your life will you feel so many emotions in one short period of time as you will with your firstborn. I say firstborn, because from what I hear, one becomes less and less neurotic with each subsequent child's birth. You'll experience love for your baby, hate for his sleep habits, frustration with his eating habits, and become distraught over the condition of your body. You'll feel elation when you see his first smile and paranoia when he all of a sudden stops crying after having cried for 10 minutes straight. You'll gag if you have to change another diaper in the next five minutes, and surprise yourself with the amount of time you'll spend baby-talking, rocking, and simply staring at your precious little person. And for all of this, you'll question your sanity....and perhaps consider being admitted.

4) Breastfeeding is not as easy as it looks. So I guess the tree people in obscure areas of the world can make it happen, but I couldn't. I just couldn't get used to it. It's not like you can just pop the damn thing in the kid's mouth and he knows what to do with it. That's not always the case. And who'da thought that lactation consulting would be a science and a therapy all at once!? Those ladies have manufactured some of the most wicked contraptions to try to get your kid to "latch" on to you, and for you to get used to the whole process. It certainly would have been the cheaper route to have taken...but frankly, I couldn't jive with it...and it's not something that's for everyone. (though I do still agree that breast IS best...)

5) OK...my sleep deprivation has finally caught up with me....and I can't remember my #5 and my creative juices are exhausting themselves over finishing this glass of wine. Perhaps a few more will dawn on me in my sleep, or at a later time. HA! That'd be if I actually GOT sleep!

Here are some more pictures of my boy! Can you believe he's already 6 weeks old!?